I’ve been distracted lately. Really sad, if I’m honest. It doesn’t take much some days, and it was just a rude comment that set me off this time. I think I’m better now, but it’s usually three days of inescapable sadness which fuck all gets done. The comment was about questioning the usefulness of my writing. If it can’t be published, what’s the point?
What is the point of writing any of it?
Okay. Maybe the three days aren’t up yet. I’m trying to remain focused, and just keep pushing forward, but there’s so much that adds up. I’ve writing nearly 100,000 words a month since the beginning of the year. I completed a 145k novel that I want to get published. I’m on the third year of a series set in the same universe, but from when the characters where younger. I’ve created a lot, but is it worth it?
I’ve read some complete trash before. Published, hold it in your hand, someone got paid to write this, trash. I can do better. I think I’ve already done better. I love the First Prophecy. When I was writing it and posting it on AO3, I must have read every chapter a dozen times, looping and stitching it all together. I would read it just because I loved a part, and wanted to watch it happen again.
Now I think I’m afraid to go back and read it. After six months, what if its terrible? What if I hate it, and can’t stand the thought of editing it and sending it off?
Why am I even doing this?
I need to remember how to be positive, but until I figure that out, I’m just going to keep writing words to a pointless backstory that nobody cares about.
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kwata
December 21, 2020
I guess I will comment here, though I realize I am two years too late, maybe to ease your worries in that same way. Of course, I hope you’ve conquered those feelings, but should you ever feel down, this comment on this little blog hopes to cheer you up.
I share your sentiment about published trash. I’ve held quite a bit in my hands too. What you have written is completely unlike that–I’ve read of work, and loved it. I love it so much. What you have published of Sons of E’din I read almost restlessly because I couldn’t put it down. I tend to be quite picky, but you had captured me as a reader, and even when I was done, your writing lingered with me. I kept thinking about what happened, the characters, the settings, and I think anything that sticks with people like that carries immense worth.
You needn’t worry about “What’s the point?” because one day, people will realize the love and care and all the thought you have put into creating all of this, and they cherish it just like I did. I believe you have great potential, talent, or whatever you may call it, pure skill if you wanted, and you’re utilizing it in a way that’s great.
I admire your work and wish you all of the best.
– K
N R Henning
April 21, 2021
I had been putting off coming back for months now, heartbroken about impossibilities, but when I came in to see what I needed to delete… well, I found this message. I am truly grateful to be able to share this world with you, even as it’s still in its rough draft phase, and I promise I will be working toward posting more soon.
Thank you thank you thank you ❤